Fear #4: Finances

[New thing: to work on not swearing, I'm going to insert a name of an author I adore where a swear word might have been]

We've been putting together budgets in financial lit this week. It's been very eye opening, making guesses at how much I cost my parents a year. However, it wasn't until I had to project my future spendings in college that I panicked.

How the Green am I going to pay for college? There's tuition and books and fees and housing and staying alive and not dying from lack of leaving a desk to do fun things. That's a Salinger of a lot of money that I don't have. I can get a job. I can get some scholarships. I can maybe get some money from my parents. But even with those three options, I was $3000+ in the red. It was as if I were looking at my life in shambles instead of a poorly constructed, definitely inaccurate spreadsheet I threw together.

I almost lost it. Thankfully, my dear, dear friend Logan was there to distract with his dream about killer Spongebob and rant about communism and tell me that I will find a way to go to college. He made me wipe away the almost tears and pretend that I wasn't freaking out. I almost felt better, and I love him for that.

However, that doesn't change the fact that I have no idea how I'm going to ensure I have a way to obtain money so that I may ensure a way for me to always obtain money. It's hard when I feel I know nothing about making or managing money. Add that to the fact that I feel I've been lied to, one way or another, about my family's finances. I just have no idea what's going to happen, and it makes me want to curl up in a ball until I disappear from existence.

Positivity: I love jazz bands and my brother and saxophones.