An Escape

A few weeks ago, I said there were three things I wanted in life: to be able to speak a different language, to go to Grand Nats, and a man.

It's no secret; I desperately want a man.

(Can you blame me?)

I see my cousins and friends getting married, and I think, "I want that someday. Why not take the tiniest first step imaginable now?" I see these awkward band couples making googly eyes and interlocking their fingers in such a jagged and disjointed manner that seems to defeat the purpose, and I think, "I want to be that one band couple that isn't awkward." (ha.) I see all these girls crying and hurt and all these boys lost and confused, and I can't help but think. . . Is it worth it?

(I think yes, but that's another post waiting to happen.)

I want to be in love so badly. I want to skip down the halls, having just seen his face. I want my friends to roll their eyes as I mention his name again. I want to use up my phone's unlimited night and weekend minutes. I will sing him this:

I want to love someone so badly. I want to have someone to talk to whenever I feel low. I want to struggle to come up with the perfect Christmas present. I want to give up a part of myself and to care more for another human being than me. I will be sung this:

I want someone to love me so badly. I want a best friend who will watch tv with me. I want a boy to compare our hand sizes and laugh at my yawns and pinkie promise that he'll kiss me one last time before the next day. I want to know that he doesn't need me to be happy, but that he wouldn't have it any other way. We will sing this together (start at two minutes):

I just want to be loved, you know? And I know I'm loved; I know I have many friends, both boys and girls and gays and straights and band kids and non band kids, that love me exceedingly. But anyone who's ever been in love the slightest bit, who's held hands with an enchanting boy or kissed the cheek of a beautiful girl or been grateful to be lucky to have the best friend one could ask for knows what I mean.

He's out there somewhere, and that thought gives me hope.