Now What

We had the last drum major sectional today. In 96 hours from this moment, my beautiful friends and babies and shining stars will be fretting and wondering how they did and hoping and praying so hard. They've all put so much effort into this, so much more than I ever did, and while I am so scared for them, I know I just need to trust them. We raised them right, didn't we? I hope I did my part.

On March 21, I'll have been a drum major for a year, and that's all I'll ever get. My time is over. It was the absolute best time of my life, mostly because of the people I was lucky enough to meet and work with and love. I say this a lot, that I didn't do anything, it was everyone else who gave me chances and helped me accomplish things and made me feel like I could make a difference, but I really truly honestly earnestly mean it. It was all you guys.

I feel like my world has officially stopped. Without a band, my band, to love unconditionally, what am I supposed to do? Who will give me a chance? What music will give me chills or make me laugh and cry at the same time? How will I spend my afternoons and evenings and mornings and nights and weekends and weekdays? Who will make me laugh, pick me up, inspire me, break my heart, make me feel alive?

What will make me realize that I am so lucky to be alive and that I have a reason to be happy and that I can both love and be loved more than I ever could have imagined?