A Glass Half Full of Chocolate Milk

Hey friend, it's been a while.

Relatively speaking.

Can I apologize to all my friends? I have so many beautiful people in my life, but things have been hard for me. I struggled, but they were always there. They sacrificed so much in the face of my trials, and I know they won't accept an apology, but here it is anyway:

I'm sorry I was so sad. I'm sorry I didn't speak. I'm sorry I came to school with ink all over my arms and left school with mascara all over my face. I'm sorry I kept you up late by both blocking you out and vomiting words in front of you. I'm sorry I didn't listen. I'm sorry I didn't shut up. I'm sorry for the smiles and hugs and love you had to give me in order to keep me from screaming. I was crazy, I was lost, I was sad, and I am sorry if I hurt you.

I'm not sorry that you're in my life, though. I will never apologize for moving here and meeting some of the best people I could have ever asked for.

Thank you, Janelle, for letting me visit you and your beautiful sister and putting up with my out of tune mandolin and my more out of tune voice. Thank you, Sierra, for letting me celebrate your birthday. Thank you, Tony, for suggesting I listen to Charlie and wanting to prance in the sun. Thank you, Heather, for not forgetting me. Thank you, Taylie, for sharing my feelings, though you deserve much more. Thank you, Caitlin, for sleeping over. Thank you, Taylor, for always encouraging me, no matter intimidating you like to think you are. Thank you, Sabrina, for letting me take my time. Thank you, Davis, for just being kind. Thank you, Gretchen, for saying what I need to hear and then giving a silly apology because your voice supposedly sounded detached and insincere. Thank you, Logan, for arguing and laughing and talking with me like nothing was wrong. Thank you, Natalie, for keeping me sane. Thank you, Sam, for always being beautiful.

I give the biggest of thank yous to Bradan, Breanne, and Cam. Thank you for listening and letting me cry, but not letting me sink too low. Thank you for giving me scriptures and praying for me. Thank you for rubbing my back, holding my hand, hugging me until the tears ran out and the love felt real and couldn't deny the truthfulness of it all. Your smiles and pats on the back and walks and talks and texts and silly faces and simple greetings meant the world to me. I am getting better because of you.

I wrote a real poem last night for the first time since I moved. It's all because of y'all. I'm not all the way better; I might not ever be, but I hope you can see the simple start.