I wish I had something for y'all to read.
Except "y'all" is probably no one at this point; I've barely posted this year, and when I do, it's just the same old thing over and over. Sadness. Despair. Hope that maybe things are getting better. Realizing that I'm just as pathetic as always.
I'd like to say that I'm getting better. I'd like to say that I was so frightened and so hysterical last week, but now, thanks to Ali and Logan, I've changed. I'd like to tell you about how I've been reading my scriptures and hanging out with the people who love me the most and what blessings these have been. I'd like to say anything and everything about work and school and life. I wish I could tell you about how I've found a boyfriend who is able to show me that I have no need to despair all the time and who is content to just watch White Collar and read Pride and Prejudice with me. I wish I had someone who didn't want to kiss me and that I wouldn't care because I'd already be happy. I wish this person was out there and didn't have a girlfriend. I wish that my friends did have girlfriends and that they would be happy.
I wish I could be happy. I hope no one reads this.
I love you. Now, forever, and always. Screw boys. They're stupid. You are amazing, and someday a boy will realize that, and he'll become a man just so that he can be with you. Just wait.
ReplyDeleteLife sucks.
You know that. I know that. What is new about this? Nothing. And that is a beauty in and of itself. The ordinary things that make life hard, and painful, and oh so breath-takingly beautiful all at the same time.
Rejoice in them.
Don't underestimate the small things. Sometimes they're all we have, but then we find out that that is all we need. We find out that we are stronger than ourselves.
I am stronger than myself.
I learned that from you, my dear Texican.
You are stronger than yourself.
Never forget that.
We don't always talk a whole lot, but when we do, I know I can tell you anything and you will listen and not judge. Because of this, you helped me find my voice and inspired me to start writing again.
Think of all the good you have done!
Stop thinking of all the negative, and look at the list we made on your wall that one day. The list of all the good things. The list of all the great things.
Think of those things.
Think of the ordinary things.
Think of all the friends you have made.
Think of all the little things that have happened to you, and remember that despite all the odds that may have been stacked up against you, you are still here.
I am so grateful for this.
You are my Texican.
You are my best friend.
You are my Emma, and I love you.
You changed my life, and I will forever be indebted to you for that.
So don't be sad.
Be happy.
Be joyous.
Be so freakin' happy that you want to sing and dance like you're in a musical. That's okay.
But more than anything, remember to breathe and give yourself a break.
You're only human.
But you're an amazing human, despite everything.
And that makes you special.
Please, please, please, please, PLEASE never, EVER forget this.
You are absolutely special, and beautiful, and absolutely AMAZING.
So screw the world.
You are amazing, and there is nothing that the world can do to change that.
So be you.
And most importantly,
be happy.
Because you are loved.
More than you could ever know.