Mistaken Blessings

God doesn't allow us to suffer without blessing us. He gives us little gifts all the time; we just have to choose to see them, even when all we seem to feel is darkness. One of my gifts was the knowledge of this, sent to me in the mail from the first of my Elders. 

I'm not sure what to write because I'm not sure what I'm feeling. I have never experienced anything like this before. The conflicting feelings and confusion surrounding my every thought... 

It shouldn't have been this way. There were two options: not do it and be happy, or do it and get over it. I am the master of my destiny and I chose a third option. I made a mistake. My greatest mistake was freaking out about everything. I overreacted and now I can't stop. I'm trying, I really am. 

I know y'all will disregard or won't accept this apology, if anyone still even reads this. But I am sorry. You are important to me, and I am so, so very sorry. 

There's a blessing somewhere in this. I just have to try to find and share it with you.