The Unholiday

I feel like time has all of a sudden sped up and left me totally unprepared.

Caitlin, Logan, and Cam were all taken from me for almost a week. I was left to fend for myself, and when I was so happy I could burst, I couldn't tell them about it, and as I cried my heart out, none of them were there to hug me and make me laugh my troubles away. To make matters worse, I realized that this will be my life in a few short months. Cam will be off in Africa or the like, Logan will be up north, my sister wife will be living a life of her own and apart from me. My time with my drum majors is so limited and all the more precious; I can't handle the inevitable prospect of life without them. It's the beginning of the end.

I got called in to work two hours earlier than originally planned, forcing me to blow off plans with my cousin, yet again. I barely had time to shower after a long and hard practice before hustling over to the office. I had no holiday, and it was like life didn't matter because my life was work and nothing else. The whole time I did paper work etc, I was seized with this fear of becoming a stagnant working adult, always busy but never progressing or moving at all. (This is not a new thought as it sums up my ever-constant idea of my guard abilities.)

I just feel so old; it's as if my priorities all shifted Inge wrong direction. Getting teeth pulled takes precedence over playing at my band concert. Going to Sundance is more important than the fear of not graduating. I just don't care about anything.

Like, at all.