Lost

Sometimes, I can't figure out if I'm happy or sad.

Like, I can't decide whether I'm an optimist who laughs at all the beautiful little funny things in the world or a depressive whose overwhelming self-hatred only pales in comparison to her all-encompassing apathy.

I really can't decide.

(and why did i tell my mom that school was good even though i felt stupid or emotional or in pain the entire day?)

I just feel so alone on this planet of seven billion people. I also feel like I have no right to complain because there are impoverished African children and "starving Ukrainians" and girls here in Cedar Hills or Pleasant Grove or wherever the crap I live that are actually sad and depressed and struggling.

But then, after saying that he couldn't understand how it felt to feel so lonely and weird and ugly and unloved and wistful and melacholic and tired and sad, he looked me straight in the eyes and said:

"I understand everything you just said."
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I can't figure out whether I'm happy or sad.