Peanut Butter

I feel sick. Probably because I ate eggs at 6:30, doughnuts at 1, and a hulk of a peanut butter sandwich at 8. I licked the knife after I put on the peanut butter and realized how hungry I actually was, so I repeatedly knifed the peanut butter and ate at least half of my recommended daily amount of fat. I tried strawberry jam instead of the usual grape, and the bread was so white and fluffy, I just couldn't help devouring it like a madman. As a consequence, I now feel like crap.

Tonight has definitely been an "I miss Texas" night, probably thanks to my skyping with Preethi and text conversation with Micaiah last night. I hung up my Westwood colorguard warm ups while organizing my room and spent an eternity remembering all the songs we sang and dirty jokes we "accidentally" made and all the hugs and injuries and bus rides and stretches and food and laughter and kisses and glitter and tickle fights and tears and pain and love and joy.

Then I found my key of happiness and thought about my first and bestest friends, Abby and Chloe and Sophia, and all the classes we shared and our lunch table that no one could take away or break apart and all the conversations we had on tables and under trees and atop bunk beds that made us laugh and cry and feel like we had figured this crazy world out once and for all.

That got me onto facebook, where I scanned pictures of the hilarious and lovable Becca from freshman year and my gingers in ASL and the band kids that were such a huge part of my life. I knew these people. I went to school with some of them for four years, and the rest came with the band family package. I saw them as if they were only small children when I knew them that have grown to become young adults, beautiful and confident and dating each other and ready to take on the world.

It's just not the same here.