State

I just want to say, I love you. I love my dear Janelle who is making hard decisions in order to have a better future. I love Chase, who cried while he read us a book and flipped his hair when he caught his solo and told me how to be him for Halloween again. I love the bright smile Taylor gave me when I told him I caught the quad and when he danced in the stands and I danced back. They're all leaving, all gone in their own different ways down their own different paths (I. Will. Miss. Hanging. Out. With. You.), and I love them for it. I love them. I love you.

Lots of crying today. We got second, but really, the only people who ever read this are A Guard people, so, ya know, whatever.

Is it better to know when your final show, your final year, your final breath is going to be? Or is not knowing what keeps us alive?