Esther Day

August 3rd is Esther Day, the day where Nerdfighteria honors the late Esther Earl by telling the people they love and care about that they love and care about. It's supposed to stress the importance of sharing your feelings of platonic love especially, since our families and friends often receive far less verbal confirmations of love from us than our boy/girlfriends or spouses or even crushes. I epically failed at completing this task, bringing my grand total of people I told I loved to four. This post is address those I left out, in hopes that they might see it and know that I'm sorry for failing them. Since many of them don't even know this blog exists, this post will also serve to remind me to tell these people as soon as possible.

Sabrina, I love you. You are always so willing to drive me around and buy me food and donate school supplies. You have been in on Taco Tuesday from the beginning, and you listen to me for hours the way I should be listening to you. I love the fact that the future Disneyland Tinker Bell blasts Slim Shady in her car. Thanks for trusting me.

Sierra, I love you. I'm sorry I always make fun of your height and name and awkward moments. That's not how I should treat one of my best friends. I love the fact that you stay around despite all my crap. Let's sing a lot this year, okay? As your drum major, I order you, and your not allowed to dance around that one.

Caitlin, I love you. How could I not? You are the sweetest person ever, and your spirit inspires me. You stick with me, no matter what happens, so I'm never alone. I love the weird looks we get from the boys when we sing or merge together, and when you hugged me yesterday when I wanted to give up, I felt strengthened. Thanks for being my friend from the beginning of this.

Janelle, I love you. You remembered me, even though it seems I've forgotten you. I think about you often and miss your smiling face, but I can honestly say I'm excited for fourth block Financial Lit. You love matching socks "I Will Follow You Into the Dark." It's like we were meant to be. When's Chalk the Block, and is it too late for me to join you, dear?

Allison, I love you. I have so much fun when I'm with you, it's like I'm a different person. Thanks for giving me a second chance, even after you were beaten in bed by yours truly. Goodness me, that sounds wrong. I would love to sign your yearbook.

Sam, I love you. You are my reprieve from Happy Valley. I loved lying on the band room floor on homework days and seeing you wear mascara with a singular purpose to guard competitions and squealing with you every time Wind Symphony played. We'll have to cut that tradition as we'll in it this year. I look forward to our future.

Arianna, I love you. You always express love and affection towards me, and it brightens my day. You are beautiful and seductive and hilarious and talented. I envy you. Holy crap, we'll get to salute with each other at band competitions. Thanks for thinking I'm adorable when I'm quite clearly less than in your presence.

Heather, I love you. I love how hard you work and easily you play. I love how you entertained my ideas of Christmas in July, despite it's lackluster turnout, and how you always welcome me to your parties, group dates, etc. I love your kilt and your doorstep that I'm allowed to show up on and your fiery spirit. Also, you're one of the few guardies that has a glimpse of concert band, and that is priceless.

Erin, I love you. You make me laugh almost every time I see you. It was always so great to dance and share rooms on tour and complain about Stadium of Fire together. You seem so effortlessly smart and talented, and it drives me crazy how you're a grade younger, yet exponentially better than me at pretty much everything. I'll forgive you for that, though, so we're all good.

Maddie, I love you. You are my ginger, my babe, my savior. You always comforted me, whether I was experiencing physical, mental, or emotional pain. You are so thoughtful with your houndstooth alerts and constant acceptance of flirtatious actions on my part. I hope I'll continue to be allowed to rest my head on your lap for the remainder of my high school career.

Here's where it gets harder:

Tony, I love you.

Davis, I love you.

EmmaLee, I love you.

Kayla, I love you.

Erik, I love you.

Eli, I love you. You are such an enigmatic character, so loud and vulgar and incredibly right wing and self-deprecating. But you have DCI as your ringtone and love Dr. Horrible and you accepted me. The way you let me be your cuddle buddy and how you asked me on the best date ever and how we could hold hands like we were both lovers and five year old girls skipping down the road, you made me realize that there is still hope for both the men in this world and for me.

Alaina, I love you. You are one in a million. Well, I imagine there are countless girls who are hippie-ish Nerdfighters who have no problem singing in public or discussing politics, religion, and attractive boys all in one sitting (I, for one, am one of those girls). But you are so in love with band and so content to be chill and to be who you are, even if it costs you a friendship, it's inspiring. Add to that your YouTube recommendations and the best compliments about myself and my fellow drum majors, and you've got gold.

I apologize in advance, for I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell these next few that I love them to their face:

Cameron, I love you. You are so interesting, so complex, so strange on so many levels; it's entrancing. You have this cool, confident, nonchalant side of you that makes me enjoy feeling in the shadow of something great. But then you have this romantic, capital "r" Romantic, and bordering-on-frantic pre-teenaged girl side that makes me adore you. To realize that you can trust me with that side it something I appreciate to no end. Thanks for smiling at me and asking if I'm okay and sleeping on my shoulder.

Logan, I love you. It's hard for me to even type this because you are so awkward and I am so awkward. But honestly, it's our awkward moments I love the most. From the moment when you handed me kisses from my dad to when I explained the beauties of color-coordinated underwear to when you let it slip that a stranger was cute, I am grateful for our strained silences and rolled eyes and nervous laughs. It's the fact that we can continue on past them that makes them great. And honestly, I'm just glad I can sing "Peaches" with you. If you were being honest with me and yourself when you said you were interested in joining guard, please consider it.

Ellie, I love you. It's hard to only have one sister and have her be at such an unfortunate age difference that's neither close or far enough for comfort, but I'm glad I have you. You're the only one in this household that understands the Vlogbrothers and Doctor Who. Your plan for high school band involvement fills me with joy, and though I don't let on, I like to spend time with you. I'm sorry I'm so mean to you most of the time.

Isaac, I love you. You're my Kyogre buddy. I love that you're in band now, even though you have mostly only complaints. I love how your voice gets higher when you try to deny something that's embarrassingly true. I love how we pretended to be mobsters and drug cartels today when you traded me York Peppermint Patties in exchange for the use of my computer so you could play Pokemon. If you could just accept the fact that you're a nerd, all would be right in the world.

Kristian, I love you. You have shared your beliefs with me while helping me realize some of my own. You are a far better Christian than I am and inspire me to always do better. I shared some of my greatest high school moments with you and continue to laugh and cry with and because of you. The fact that you showed up to my going away party in your mariachi uniform makes me love you. I am forever grateful for your unconditional love for me (even the minuscule amount of slightly heterosexual love you constantly squash) and your teaching me the Mexican national anthem.

Micaiah, I love you. I will always love you. No matter how times you give up on yourself, even if I give up on you, I will still love you. You were once such a part of me, and that carries on still to today. I am the person I am because of you. I am drum major because I believed in myself enough to audition because I had made guard captain at Westwood because I didn't quit guard because of you. That's just one example. You have such great potential, and every time you soar, I pray and give thanks that I had the opportunity to be a part of your life.

...

To my Austinites, you might warrant your own separate post at a later date. I consider Austin my hometown because of you guys. I'm sorry I've neglected the large majority of you since I moved, but that doesn't mean I don't think about you, miss you, cry over you all the time (well, I don't cry all the time. Hardly ever, these days. Sorry.) To Maddie and Gina and Gena and Krista and Jenna and Susan and Shauna and Natalie and Elijah and Lauren and Melanie and Cassandra and Becca and Cody and Angela and Chloe and Abby and Cassidy and Nuts and Emily and Sedge and everyone else I loved and cherished at some point in that state, I promise I love you. I'm just sorry I had to leave you.

To anyone and everyone I've forgotten, I apologize. I've been writing this for nearly two hours, it is no longer even August 3rd, and I am scheduled to pack up my current house and begin moving into my new one tomorrow. I ask that everyone actually tell the people they love that they love them. You never know when you'll lose the opportunity to say so.

(and for that, I apologize, Nathan.)