My First and Last Elementary Tour

I realized a lot of things today.

I realized this is my last year of high school; more importantly, it's my last year of band.

I realized all of us DMs need to practice conducting without the doctor.

I realized that children seem to be shrinking every year, like we're devolving or something.

I realized I like George's hugs and talking to him about books and marriage and hair and taking a 30 second nap on his shoulder/torso/crook of his arm whatever.

I realized my brother doesn't think I'm a total nerd.

I realized Summer does, and I'm okay with that.

I realized that everyone has something different that holds special value to them, be it band or debate or coming up with funny names to order food with.

I realized I look like a joke on job applications.

I realized I am totally screwed this week when it comes to homework and that it might affect my poor partner and that it'll probably be like this all year.

I realized that some flutes drank caffeinated soda for the first time ever, and it made them bonkers.

I realized we don't eat as much here as we did at Westwood.

I realized that staying up late to read my Latin textbook is an extremely poor decision.

I realized that maybe California wasn't as poor as I thought it was when we lived there and that I am quite grateful for that fact.

I re-realized that Logan and McKay are without a doubt my favorite snares.

I realized that I will probably cry a lot this year. Band can't end. I need another chance. I need my time to be and become Logan, the one whose name and poor little colorguard girl didn't know who grew to overcome their fear and difficulty with speaking in front of the band after a year. I need to stay with my juniors and send another year off. I won't be able to handle being the one sent off.

I realized that band is... band. It is just utterly remarkable and I don't know where I would be without it and I miss Eli and Alaina and Abby and Keenan and Julia and Taylor SWAG and Heidi and Fred Omega Pye.

I don't know how to end this post.

I don't know how to accept this change.